Wednesday, October 7, 2015


 "Where were u on the night of the 3rd?"
 Stabbing a homeless man.
 "Louder for the tape?"
 Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.
 Apparently it's inappropriate to ask where her
shoes are from when you're in the next stall.
Apple Computer is taking steps to protect user
Their new policy is iWon't tell...IPromise....
Only in America: We work hard on a farm so
we can move into town, where we can make
more money… so we can move back to the farm.
Tim: This is Tim from accounting.
Me: Hi Tim from accounting.
Tim: Just say Tim.
Me. Tim.
Tim: How are you today?
Me: Tim.
Some scientists believe that eventually
Mt. Everest will recede back into the Earth,
leaving just a little stump.
Personally I think these scientists are making
a molehill out of a mountain.
I think it's time to clean the fridge.
Something just closed the door from the inside.
This headline stunned me-
"Mars to reduce carbon emissions"
Until I realized it was the candy maker ...
and not the planet.
I told her love was all about sacrifice, but she
still screamed when she saw the dead goat.