Wednesday, October 28, 2015


A recent article in the Dominion Post reported
that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital,
saying that after her husband had surgery there,
he lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband
was admitted for cataract surgery.
All we did was correct his eyesight!"
"Overactive Bladder Hotline.
Can you hold please?”
Meanings behind School Subjects....
  Science- Because we want to know what the
stuff around us is made up of...
 History- Because we like to know what dead
people did here..
 Language- Because just staring at each other
would be weird...
 Religion- Learning why you should obey God..
 Spelling- Because we're spies and want to
know what your writing...
 Culinary Arts- Making Murder taste good...
 Film class- Because real life is boring...
 Math- Because playing with numbers is fun...       
 Sex Ed- Because we want to be better at it
than animals..
“A pig pen is filled with pink pigments and oink!”
Confucius say to Tiger Woods...
He who drives well in fairway does not always
fare well in driveway.
I think someone should have had the decency to
tell me the luncheon was free.
To make someone run out with potato salad in
his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not
what I call hospitality.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day
because that means it's going to be up all night.
Brings donuts to work because if I can't be
skinny neither can you. 
Q: What do you call a woman that sets her bills
on fire?
A: Bernadette.
 [on plane]
Me: It's ok, more ppl are killed by hippos than
by plane crashes...
Pilot: This is your captain speaking,
I'm a hippo btw
Me: Nooooo...
Dear rock bands,
If I am at your show, assume I am both ready
and willing to rock.
No need to ask.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.