Tuesday, October 27, 2015


Meeting disappointment head on.
Or, as I like to call it, waking up......
If you feel like you're going through a rough
patch, just remember that it only lasts through

We live in an expanding universe.
All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Diane buys a hundred goldfish.
There ae so many of them that she decides to
keep them in her bathtub.
One day she invites her friend over to see all
her beautiful goldfish.
Lauren is impressed, and says, "They surely
are beautiful, but what do you do when you
want to take a bath?"
Diane replied, "Simple. I just blindfold them!"
Doctor: How long have you been in pain?
Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while
I was at work
Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997...
Real women don't wish their enemies would die,
just that they'll get fat.
I said to the wife, "I'm horny."
"What you want me to do?"
"Have sex with me."
"Oh, really?"
"No, just joking," I laughed.
"I just wanted to give you a headache."
I throw punches in my sleep and I hit my wife
last night....When my wife is asleep is the only
time I ever win a fight or argument.