Thursday, October 1, 2015



God was truly looking out for me today —
I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay’s
potato chips inside.
Whoever first said "No news is good news"
never had their cable & Internet go out for
two days...
I’m calling bullshit…
on Ariel singing underwater.
Think the walk of shame sucks now, imagine
doing it in the 80s in corduroy pants.
 Everyone heard you leaving.
Rihanna caught Chris Brown cheating on her…
he had another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
My wife walked out on me after I blew our life
savings on a penis extension.
She said she just couldn't take it any longer....
If you hear one of the high piano keys repeating
slowly, you’re either watching a trailer for a
horror movie, or you are a parent.
I brought a laser pointer… to the Broadway
showing of “Cats” and created total mayhem.
A man went to an upscale Manhattan restaurant
and ordered soup du jour.
When the waitress brought it out, he exclaimed,
"What is this?"
The waitress said, "Why, it's bean soup."
The man said, "I don't care what it has been,
what is it now?"
The President of the United States technically
works from home.
“I have been blogging about my recent surgery
and recovery from abdominal surgery.
I call my blog 'The Chronicles of Hernia'.”