Sunday, October 18, 2015


Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?
Reason #42 why I can't fall asleep.
What's the difference between
a sumo wrestler and a feminist ?
A sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
My neighbor's dog shit in our yard.
My wife said, "Get the shovel and throw it into
their yard."
Not sure what good that did.
The dog shit is still in our yard and my neighbor
has my shovel.
It concerns me when someone comes out of
the bathroom stall and has to wash their hands
all the way up to their elbows..
A couple arrived at the boarding gate just in
time to see their plane taking off.
The husband was angry to have missed the
“If you weren’t so slow in getting ready,”
he complained to his wife, “we wouldn’t have
missed the plane.”
“And if you wouldn’t have rushed me, we
wouldn’t have so long to wait until the next flight,”
she replied.
A mother was talking to her preschooler.
"Who is your favorite singer?" she asked.
The little girl quickly replied, "Jennifer Low Pants."
family member: what are you doing with your life?
me: it’s a surprise......
I was at McDonald's and had to use the toilet..
As I walked into the stall, there was a sign that
read 'only toilet paper to be flushed down the
Not wanting to disobey any rules I played it safe
and took a huge McShit in the sink.
Husband: Oh my gosh, I almost ran over a man
from Miami!
Wife: How do you know he was from Miami?
Husband: He kept screaming something that
sounded like "Sunny beaches!"
A girl took a grilled cheese out of her purse and
threw it across the street like a frisbee to me.
I never thought i'd be able to love again..