Wednesday, September 30, 2015


There's nothing worse than when you tell
someone it's a long story and they reply with
"I have time."
Thanks for being here right on time.
 We'll see you in a few hours.
- Doctors
I think if youre gonna get a tattoo, just get one
word: the word, I'm dumb.
Thats it.
That way in 10 years, when you go, Why did
I get this?, you can be like, Oh, I'm dumb!
GF says my bike helmet looks ridiculous,
but I'd rather be "uncool" than fall and crack
my head open in the middle of having sex.
A judge grew tired of seeing the same town
drunk in front of his bench.
One day the judge glared down at the man,
who was still intoxicated, and thundered "It is
the sentence of this court that you be taken
from here to a place of execution and there
hanged by the neck until DEAD."
The drunk promptly fainted.
The court bailiff commenced to reviving the man,
and looked up at the judge, at which time the
judge shrugged and responded "I've always
wanted to do that."
They'll continuously make Fast & Furious
movies until it's a bunch of old men trying to
get out of a grocery store parking lot ...
Carried 9 oranges up to the cashier and she says
"Ya want a box for them?"
"I was willing to pay" I said "but I guess we can
fight for em"...
I'm old enough to remember when having a
long cord on the home phone was privacy.