Down Hummingbird Lane

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Texas principal: If that's a homemade clock
and not a bomb, what time is it?
Muslim student: Time for a lawsuit.

 

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Someone invented a yoga mat that rolls itself.
If that person reads this tweet, I have a fitted
sheet I'd like for you to look at.

 

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We are gathered here today because
Somebody "glares at coffin " couldn't stay alive.

 

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The name for a group of cats is a clowder..
The name for a group of kittens is a kindle..
I would like to submit that a group of cats and
kittens in the same household be called a
terrorism.

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Door to door salespeople are just real life popup
ads.

 

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The worst place to have a heart attack is during
a gama of cherades. ...
Especially if the people you are playing with,
are really bad guessers.

 

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"Wife: there is a man at the door with a mustache."
 "Husband: tell him i've already got one. "

 

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A priest and an astronomer find themselves sitting together
on a night flight.
After introductions and a long gaze out the window, the
astronomer asks the priest, "Can't all religions be summed
up by stating the Golden Rule?"
The priest pauses a bit and asks the astronomer,
"Can't all astronomy be summed up by singing
‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’?”

 

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I wanted to be a psychiatrist....
but deep down inside, I knew my mother
wouldn't approve.

 

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Does anybody here know what to do if a bear
attacks?
A lot of people do think you're supposed to play
dead, which is not what you're supposed to do.
And the best thing about playing dead is --
that's like a rumor that bears spread.

 

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Cool Msg by a woman-
 Dear Mother-in-law,
“Don’t Teach me how 2 handle my children,
 I’m living with one of yours &
 he needs a lot of improvement”

 

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