Someone has two much time on their hands....
Just taking it easy with my pet......
♥If you ever feel like a complete moron never
forget that I managed to text my wife today
that she forgot her mobile at home.
We've produced Miley Cyrus and Kanye West…I'm surprised that other countries haven't built
a wall around the U.S.
The Surgeon General said more Americansshould start going on walks.
Then to everyone's surprise, he added,
"Even if you're just going out to have a smoke."
For her birthday, my wife said "I want somethingthat goes around my finger and is sparkly."
She'll love the LED yo-yo I got her.
Did you hear about the baby that was born in ahigh tech. hospital?
It came out cordless!
My local supermarket uses four checkout lanes.Unless it's really busy, then they use one.
Some choices are easier than others:An emergency doctor's appt vs a much needed
At least if I die my hair will be cute.
Enjoying her vacation in Hawaii, Lisa called acafé to make reservations for 7 P.M.
Checking her book, the cheery hostess said,
"I'm sorry, but all we have is 6:45.
Would you like that?"
"That's fine, " Lisa said.
"Okay," the woman confirmed.
Then she added, "Just be advised that you may
have to wait 15 minutes for your table."
[5-year-old and 3-year-old screaming at eachother]
Me: Is that how your mom and I settle
5: You want me to sleep on the couch?
ATMs should have breathalyzers...