Monday, September 28, 2015


Good Cop: step away from the ledge....
Cat Cop [pushes person off] oops...
How about the old gal that died and went to
After she had been for a while - she had a
meeting with God.
She commented about her life.
She talked about how when she and her husband
were sick how God came through and cured
How they had great children and praised God
for helping but, one question she had was :
" I never could understand why you always
came through when we had many problems
but I never did win a power ball"?
God responded: " Well to win a power ball -
you have to first buy a ticket".
I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle,
and the shy modesty of his distant relative the
combover falcon.
[orders pizza]
Would you also like our cheesy bread, comes
with sauce?
Are you trying to sell me a side of pizza with my
I was watching a boxing match on tv
when suddenly, a hockey game broke out.
I called the IRS and told them I refuse to pay
taxes ever again.
They said no problem -- as an inmate, I won't
make enough to be required to file taxes anyway.
I was recently on line at the local supermarket..
I was purchasing a dozen eggs and a 12-pack
of soda.
I mistakenly used the express lane, which allows
12 items or fewer, so I had to get on line twice.
Sticks and stones may break your bones,
but a Chuck Norris glare will liquify your kidneys.
An elementary school teacher decides to pole
the class on the difficulty of last night's
homework assignment:
How many people were able to complete the
assignment without parents help?
About 25% of the class raises their hands.
How many people we able to complete the
assignment with the help of a parent?
About 70% of the class raises their hand.
The teacher still notices about 5% of the class
did not raise their hands.
She then calls out, "How many people had to
help a parent complete your assignment?
Just got pulled over by a cop -
He said, papers? I said, "scissors I win",
and drove off.