Wednesday, August 26, 2015



They were looking down into the depths of the 
Grand Canyon..
 "Do you know," asked the guide, "that it took millions and 
millions of years for this great abyss to be carved out?"
"Well, I'll be darned," exclaimed the traveler.. 
"I never knew this was a government job.."

Oreo has come out with a new lower calorie cookie called 
Oreo Thins.. 
Which is also a good way to describe people who eat them.. 
“I wouldn’t say you’re fat, I’d say you’re ... Oreo Thin.”

An advertisement for an aviation school claimed it could 
teach anyone to drive an Aircraft in five minutes or less.. 
I called them up and asked “How can you teach anyone to 
drive in five minutes or less?”
They answered “It’s a crash course.” 

My boss caught me sleeping on the job and told me to clean 
out my desk as if he didn’t just see how lazy I am..

Gus walks into a bar and orders a beer.. 
“That will be one dollar,” says the bartender.. 
“One dollar!” Gus protests, “Last week it was only fifty cents!” 
“Well,” replies the bartender, “it’s fifty cents for the beer and 
fifty cents for the Tsunami Donation..” 
Reluctantly, Gus gives the bartender a dollar, but was 
surprised as the bartender gave him back fifty cents and says, 
“We are out of beer..”

I don't normally cook..
 How much vodka do you add to the mashed potatoes..? 

A wife and husband both talked in their sleep..
She loved auctions; his hobby was golf.. 
The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!" 
His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !" 

HR - It's never appropriate to show cleavage at the office..
I wish someone would tell the guy down the hall.. 

I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, 
it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs.. 
Or as those dogs put it, “Thanks, Bo Obama.”

It's never polite to lean over to the next table and ask, 
"Are you finished with that?" 
Especially to a guy breaking up with his girlfriend..