They were looking down into the depths of the
"Do you know," asked the guide, "that it took millions and
millions of years for this great abyss to be carved out?"
"Well, I'll be darned," exclaimed the traveler..
"I never knew this was a government job.."
Oreo has come out with a new lower calorie cookie called
Which is also a good way to describe people who eat them..
“I wouldn’t say you’re fat, I’d say you’re ... Oreo Thin.”
An advertisement for an aviation school claimed it could
teach anyone to drive an Aircraft in five minutes or less..
I called them up and asked “How can you teach anyone to
drive in five minutes or less?”
They answered “It’s a crash course.”
My boss caught me sleeping on the job and told me to clean
out my desk as if he didn’t just see how lazy I am..
Gus walks into a bar and orders a beer..
“That will be one dollar,” says the bartender..
“One dollar!” Gus protests, “Last week it was only fifty cents!”
“Well,” replies the bartender, “it’s fifty cents for the beer and
fifty cents for the Tsunami Donation..”
Reluctantly, Gus gives the bartender a dollar, but was
surprised as the bartender gave him back fifty cents and says,
“We are out of beer..”
I don't normally cook..
How much vodka do you add to the mashed potatoes..?
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep..
She loved auctions; his hobby was golf..
The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!"
His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !"
HR - It's never appropriate to show cleavage at the office..
I wish someone would tell the guy down the hall..
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular,
it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs..
Or as those dogs put it, “Thanks, Bo Obama.”
It's never polite to lean over to the next table and ask,
"Are you finished with that?"
Especially to a guy breaking up with his girlfriend..