Tuesday, August 25, 2015


She loves me...She loves me not........


Talking about baldness... 
I am the tallest in the family, taller than all my siblings, 
and even taller than my parents.. 
So, I figure that I just grew too tall for my hair, too...

Day 3 in the desert: I have somehow gained the respect of 
some birds as they are circling above me in some sort of 
protective formation.. 

Took down our Rebel flag and peeled the.... 
IRA sticker off the front door.. 
We've disconnected our home alarm system, 
and quit our candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.. 
Bought two Pakistani flags on eBay and raised 
them in the front yard, one at each corner,
 plus a black flag of ISIS in the center.. 
 Now, the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, 
Homeland Security, Secret Service and other 
agencies are all watching the house 24/7..  
I've never felt safer and we're saving $49.95 a month! 

I must have an AMAZING butt!! 
Because every time I talk with someone, turn around and 
walk away, I hear them whisper 'What an ass!"

A cowboy rides into town on Friday, stays three days and 
leaves on Friday how does he do it?
The horses name is Friday.......

An Irish couple, whose married bliss was not without a few 
"squalls", received a humble lecture from their priest 
regarding their disgraceful quarrels..
 "Why, that dog and cat you have agree better than you.." 
"If yer reverence'll tie them together, ye'll soon change yer 

A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane.. 
She had just come back from a far away land trying to find 
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed 
a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with 
exotic markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken 
The daughter introduced this man as her new husband..
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and 
screamed, "I said for you to marry a RICH Doctor! 
A RICH Doctor!" 

I was recently stopped at a traffic light.. 
A prostitute came up to the window and asked if 
I wanted to have a good time.. 
I said no, I'm happily married.. 
She said c'mon, I'll do things your wife won't do.. 
I said really? You'll come clean my house?.....

Jupiter's Great Red Spot isn't a storm..
 It's where Chuck Norris puts his victims..