*runs into restaurant*
IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR?
"I'm a doctor.."
Can you buy me dinner I'm very poor..
Give me one reason why I shouldn't pass this math
"You held up 2 fingers just now.."
Ok, then give me that many reasons..
DOCTOR: "Ok, now PUSH!"
WOMAN IN LABOR: "Should I be doing this in my
DR: [leaning out of car window] "Less talky,
I'm gonna start giving bad news to people in that
cute, high pitched voice I use to talk to kids and dogs..
your so ugly...
Your mom tried to drag you from the hospital to
planned parenthood ...
She gets angry a lot
"He took me camping and left me in the middle
YOU SAID YOU LIKED SURVIVOR, Sue...
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An embarrassed zebra!
I sure hope my wife appreciates...
all the time, effort and thought I put into finding the
perfect anniversary gift for her at this gas station..
People who say "I hate to bother you"…
need to learn to hate it a little bit more..
When my wife quit work to take care of our new
baby daughter, countless hours of peek-a-boo
and other games slowly took their toll..
One evening my wife smacked her bare toes on
the corner of a dresser and, grabbing her foot,
sank to the floor..
I rushed to her side and asked what she hurt..
She looked at me through tear-filled eyes and
managed to moan, "It's the piggy that ate roast beef."
"Boss, I've got a probl-"
"There are no such things as problems,
"Oh, ok...I've got a serious drinking opportunity"..