When I tell the barista they got my order wrong,
I get missed-tea eyed.
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer.
"I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said.
"I'll increase your income five-fold.
Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you;
you'll have four months of vacation each year and live
to be a hundred.
All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your
children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for
The lawyer thought for a moment.
"What's the catch?" he asked.
New guy: I really like your name....
Me: Thanks I got it for my birthday..
Some friends were on vacation in Maine, and while
watching fireworks heard their small son say,
The father quickly cautioned his son, "Please don't
speak the Lord's name in vain."
The boy nodded but obviously mis-heard, because he
asked quietly, "Is it OK if I speak his name back in
They're playing Earth, Wind and Fire.
I was not prepared to party this hard at Home Depot.
Violet the cat out of the bag!
I wonder how things turned out for that guy who
grabbed the bull by the horns.
if your newborn baby has a full head of hair that means
it is a business baby and is ready to enter the world of
Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to
A: In case they have to draw blood.
How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.