Thursday, August 13, 2015



New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has said that 
he may run for President, but analysts predict it is 
much more likely that he will walk..

Starbucks and Mcdonalds..... 
Are having a fight over their next coffee label 
They want to call it a "Caitlin Jenner" 
(Its a half and half ) 
The dieters version of the double double.. 

Her: I'm really glad you asked me out yesterday in 
the park..
Me: *looking under table* you didn't bring your dog? 

You know your getting old when ... 
The toys you played with as a kid are being sold 
at the antique stores..... 

I've never seen a dead body but I did once watch, 
a girl get proposed to in an Applebee's..  
Odds are about the same.. 
A man is being interviewed for a job..
“What are your qualifications for the job of night 
“The slightest noise wakes me up..”

I'm scariest when nude.. 
I'm a grisly bare..

A man who was just about to be executed was 
asked whether he would like to have a last smoke..
 The man answered, "No thank you, I don't smoke.. 
I don't want to get lung cancer.."

"So, what's the matter? 
I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing 
fishing trip with your husband.."
"Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked 
so loud I would scare the fish.. 
Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and 
then that I was reeling in too soon..
All that might have been all right; but then, to make 
matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish!"

“Abrupt appearance of sinkholes is ground breaking 
news for media men!”

Two rural church deacons who were having a 
sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw 
their minister drive by and take a good long look 
at their pickup trucks parked outside..
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the 
reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup.."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference 
does it make.. 
God knows we're in here... and he's the only one 
who counts.."
The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell 
my wife.." 

Knock Knock..
Who's there?
Pammy who?
Pammy the key, the door is locked!