Tuesday, August 18, 2015



How much to learn the thriller dance moves..
"Ma'am... this is senior citizens Zumba class!" 

"Two women friends met up for coffee one morning.. 
One said: 'Be honest: Do you think my skin is 
starting to show its age?' 
'I can't tell,' said the other. 
'There are too many wrinkles.'

My enemies are gonna be so sorry if I ever get 
out of this bean bag chair..

"Two old men were talking about their distant youths..
One said: 'Can you remember the name of the first 
woman you ever kissed?' 
His friend answered: 'I can't even remember the 
name of the last one!'

Two blonds are waiting at a bus stop. 
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of 
the blonds leans inside and asks the bus driver: 
"Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" 
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, 
I'm sorry." 
Hearing this, the other blond leans inside, smiles, 
and twitters: "Will it take ME?..." 

I found an email in my junk folder from a General 
The subject of the email was TOP SECRET.. 
I chose not to open it because I'm such a rat and 
I know I would give away the secret... 

"Two elderly women were in a beauty [parlor] getting 
their hair done when in walked a 21-year-old girl 
with a low-cut blouse that revealed the tattoo of a 
rose on one breast..
 One woman leaned over to the other and whispered: 
'Poor thing. She doesn't know it, but in 50 years 
she'll have a long-stemmed rose in a hanging basket!'

Me: "This is shit, I'm changing the channel.." 
Wife: "Leave the baby monitor alone.." 

My wife insists I have Alzheimer's 
and that my short term memory is gone.. 
My wife insists I have Alzheimer's, 
and that my short term memory is gone. 
My wife insists I have Alzheimer's, 
and that my short term memory is gone.. 

I'm on the new Ass Chewing Diet...... 
piss off your boss and lose 20lbs in one session..