He doesn't believe you......
[dropping kids off at school]
ME: Ok, learn a lot today..
KIDS: But school doesn't start for another week..
ME: *speeding off* GOOD LUCK ..
What goes, "Click-click - have I done it yet?
"Click-click - have I done it yet?
Click-click - have I done it yet..?
Stevie Wonder with a Rubik's cube..
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a
three-way plane crash over the Pacific Ocean..
They all died and went to heaven together..
"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter..
"I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is
just one of those coincidences that happen..
Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't
ready... We can't take you in and we can't send you back...
"Then he got an idea..
He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is St. Peter..
Hey, I got these three guys up here..
They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we
gotta fix the place up for 'em..
I was hoping you could put them up for a while..
It'll only be a few of days...... What d'ya say?"
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed..
However, two days later... St. Peter got a call..
"Pete, this is Lucifer.... Hey, you gotta come get these guys..
This Pope fellow is forgiving everybody, the Graham guy is
saving everybody, and that Roberts has raised enough
money to buy air conditioning.."
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem
they'd put cocaine back in their recipe..
“If climate change is causing the sea level to rise,
does that mean that the oceans are getting too big for
Irony: working for an aluminum company and getting canned..
Murphy Laws Applied to Aviation Sector...
Flights never leave from Gate # 1 at any terminal in the world..
The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next
The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next
If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed..
Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get
up to go to the lavatory..
If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the
farthest gate within the terminal..
If you must work on your flight, you will experience
turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper..
When you drink too much tropical drinks with coke in them?
- Peein' a cola, duh..
Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player,
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going
to be an uncle or an aunt..
Guide: Bathroom anyone?
Me: I peed at the Tower of Pizza..
Guide: That's Pisa..
Me: Sorry..... I took a pisa at the Tower of Pizza..