Saturday, August 29, 2015



"Babe I'm ready for bed.."
 "Why so early its the weekend?"
 "Next up Channel 6 News reveals Ashley Madison's
local business men.." 
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it..
He phones the police and says, “Bejesas, I’ve just found a
sandwich dat looks like a bomb..
The operator asks, “Is it tickin?
Paddy says, “No I tink it’s beef.”
Sheep are itchy..... They have fleece..
News report: "President Obama revealed during an address
from the Oval Office last night that he has devised yet
another plan to revive the US economy.
The economic stimulus program is now called
"economic elecro-shock therapy"..
My first Gamblers Anonymous meeting is tomorrow..
 I phoned them to check the time. It's ten to one..
Two men were down at the pub talking..
The first man said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that
she won't let me do any work around the house..
It's incredible !"
The second man says, "That's nothing..
 My wife thinks I'm God!"
"She thinks you're God?
What makes you say that?"
"Easy, every night she places a burnt offering before me!"
Sign in a Police Station: It takes about 3500 bolts to put a
car together; but only one nut to scatter it all over the road..
A magician was facing an unruly crowd as his tricks failed
to impress them..
 To cheer them up, the magician said: 'could any one please
give me an egg..
For I shall show you a marvelous trick..'
One at the last row shouted: 'If we had an egg with us,
it would have reached you long before'..
What is your greatest strength..?
"Throwing my voice.."
You're hired.!
 "Ok great, thanks.."
Wait I didn't say- oh wow you're good..
A group of working men and women were enjoying
happy hour at a local bar..
One of them asked what time others went to bed
on work nights..
A blonde piped up from the end of the bar and said "Well,
if I'm not in bed by ten o'clock, I just go home.."