Sign in a Japanese hotel: "You are invited to
take advantage of the chambermaid."
Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery: "You are welcome to visit the
cemetery where famous Russian composers,
artists, and writers are buried daily except
A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as St. George
and the Dragon.
The landlady answered the door.
The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?”
"No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face.
He knocked again and said, “Could I have a few words with
Drink like a fish and you'll never feel like a fish out of water
You might look like one but you'll never feel like one...
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs..
Girl in the locker room put her pants on the floor and tried to
hop into them.
I was going to call her awesomepants, but coma girl works too..
Depressed? Keep your chin up cuz when it's down it looks
like there's two of them, which is gross.
A teen had been talking on the phone for about two hours,
and then she hung up.
"Wow!" said her mommy, "That was short.
You usually talk for three or more hours...... What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the teen .
Got a new job working at the police station,
sketching pictures of suspects,
I'm a con-artist.
My wife came home today and said, "Here I am,
just back from the beauty parlor.
I said, "What's wrong, was it closed?"
I hate when people say, "Here's a picture of me when I was
Every picture is a picture of you when you were younger.