Tuesday, July 28, 2015



Role playing didn't go so well last night. 
She was the hot sexy teacher and I the rebel student..
so I ditched class. 
Cause schools for nerds. 

We've learned alot more about what was going on in 
the '96 election thanks to Monica and Bob Dole's viagra 
It turns out that we had a challenger who couldn't 
"keep it up"
and a president who couldn't "keep it down"

lights dim in restaurant*
DATE: did it just become sexier in here?

Probably the worst part about being a penguin is after 
you're in an argument, you'll try to waddle away angrily 
but still look adorably cute.....

Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. 
Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, 
stuffed crust,
extra toppings...

A Jehovah's Witness asked me if I knew Jesus. 
I said, "Of course. He mows my lawn every Saturday." 

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a 
painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of 
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. 
"They must be British." 
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. 
"They're naked, and so beautiful. 
Clearly, they are French." 
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, 
"they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told 
this is paradise. 
They are Russian." 

I always tip the delivery guy an extra $2.00 if he doesn't look 
around for the other six people he thought the sushi would feed..

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other 

New Parent Idea:
1. Take pictures of you pulling baby out of spacecraft in forest.
2. Hide pictures in attic for kid to find when he's 10.