Monday, July 20, 2015

# 2770



Ran my first 10k this morning. ...
I'm kidding, I'm on my second Milky Way. 

Time flies when you wake up at noon. 

So I made a racist joke at a house party. 
Most of them laughed but one guy said: 
"I don't know how you can be so small minded. 
I work with African-Americans and ethnic minorities 
all day." 
It didn't go well when I asked him if he was a 
police officer. 

"This looks like an open and shut case!" 
-a police detective buying luggage. 

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered 
from papers across the country.
Stud Tires Out ..
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope ..
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over ..
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again ..
British Left Waffles on Falkland islands ..
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms ..
Eye Drops off Shelf ..
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids ..
Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead ..

If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, 
I just really hope they segregate us by genre. 

My wife and I were recently at a KFC. 
All I said to the girl who took our order 
was that she had really great legs, thighs and breasts 
and her skin tastes so good. 
I think I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. 

Instead of yet another love song, someone should write a 
song about wanting to be left alone for fifteen minutes. 

I don't like the cavalier manner in which Tony the Tiger 
strolls into the homes of these Frosted Flakes eaters.

Ugh. Do I really need to register to your website to leave a 
I just need to disagree with this jerk real quick.