Tuesday, July 14, 2015


Now that is a steak.....


I run all the way... 
from my car to the front door of McDonald's, 
because fitness is a lifestyle. 

The wife and I tried swinging.
But she just sat there on her fat ass and I ended up doing 
all the pushing. 

Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? 
Well tough shit, I just forgot it....... 

I’m about three years into my relationship now and I’ve 
started to have erection difficulties. 
My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is. 
She bought me some Viagra, and I’ve bought her a treadmill. 

Keep your friends close and your enemies in the trunk of 
your car. 

Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. 
When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet 
to change the TV channel. 

Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. 
Your basement guests can chew right through that. 

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. 
The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband 
wasn't comfortable with that. 
So the wife went on the ride by herself. 
The wheel went round and round, and suddenly the wife was 
thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet.
"Are you hurt?" he asked.
"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. 
"Three times around and you didn't wave once!"

What is so great about being a test tube baby? 
You get a womb with a view. 

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at 
various locations.
Sign on a Norfolk farm: "Trespassers beware! I shoot every 
tenth trespasser. 
The ninth one just left."