'My definition of an intellectual is
someone who can listen to the
William Tell Overture without thinking
of the Lone Ranger.'
"Mommy, Mommy! Can I go to the toilet?"
"Yes, Johnny, I'll take you in a minute..."
"Can grandma take me?"
"Her hand shakes."
I sent my photograph to the Lonely Hearts
They sent it back saying they weren't that
Inventor of the computer mouse died
The mouse is considered the 2nd most
used item in a man's hand..
Tuesdays are just Mondays in overtime.
So my wife told me to say those...
3 little words that every woman wants to
I guess "what's your opinion"??
I’m hot blooded, check it & see...
I got a fever of 103..
Why’s everyone on the bus screaming..
Maybe I shoulda wiped off the rectal
A son calls his mom....
"Hi Mom, it's your son, please don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Dammit Jeremy, you've been a doctor for eight years now,
stop starting every conversation we have with that!"
"Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you"
Yeah....so is a grenade....