If you're ever get attacked by a group of
white people, just yell
"EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS!"
and they'll all stop to do the Cha Cha
Irony: I’m watching an exercise infomercial
because I’m too lazy to get the remote...
Every crime show turns into sitcom when the
cops bring the husband for questioning and he
"Why would anyone want to kill their wife?"
Just once, I want someone to kick the guy
grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Surprise your wife today.
Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for
Cop: anything in your pockets that might hurt me?
*cop pulls out a pic of his ex GF and suspect*
Cop: *wiping tears* I'm over it.....
Cindy and Kathy, both residing in an old age
home, we taking a walk in the park when they
suddenly saw an old guy running, without any
Cindy said to Kathy, "I don't have my glasses on.
Did you see what that guy was wearing?"
Kathy replied, "I didn't, but whatever it was,
it needs ironing!"
Broke my nose playing football today…
threw the controller at the wall and it bounced back.
1) Find and catch a rabbit..
2) Go to restaurant..
3) Complain about a hare in your meal..
4) Enjoy free meal plus adorable household pet..
You'd think strip poker would be more fun but
Grandpa is horrible at cards.
I went to a costume party and showed up in the nude
carrying a woman on my back.
My friend answers the door and shockingly asks,
“What are you supposed to be?!”
I answered, “I’m a snail.”
With an obvious look of disdain on his face,
his friend asks, “Well, who is she?”
My answer: “Michelle.”