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I don't need google ......
I have my wife.
She knows it all, and she comes with a backup server,,,
my mother in law ....
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Went to my bank today to apply for a loan...
Now, i'm not saying my credit record is bad, but the
bank wouldn't even let me borrow a pen to fill in my
loan application.
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A new study has shown that women who get more
sleep have better sex.
Unfortunately, the study was conducted by Bill cosby....
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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent
babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise
came from outside.
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and
yelled at the man "Damn.
That must be my husband!"
So the man jumped out of the bed; and jumped out the
window.
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a
thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the
bedroom and screamed at the woman,
'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you
running?'
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Today my roommate left his cell phone at home.
So I texted him "I noticed you left your phone at
home.
Let me know if you want me to bring it for you"
I texted him over 4 hours ago and he still hasn't
responded.......
That's so rude.
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My wife thinks my imagination is getting out of control...
which is really strange, considering I'm not married.
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Actual Lines from Resume;
I am very detail-oreinted.
My intensity and focus are at inordinately high
levels, and my ability to complete projects on
time is unspeakable.
Thank you for your consideration.
Hope to hear from you shorty!
Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
I am sicking and entry-level position.
It's best for employers that I not work with
people.
Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then
please return it in the enclosed envelope.
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HEY CALEB- YOUR COW IS INFERTILE AND
YOUR SISTER LIKES DANCING.......
-Amish trash talk
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I need an aggressive dog-barking sound on my phone,
for whenever anyone knocks on the bathroom door when
I'm in there......
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