••
♥
We now return to PAWN STARS:
How much can I get for this genuine 100 dollar bill....
The best I can do is $25.....
Thinks for 5 minutes.... Deal
••
It was Palm Sunday, but because of a sore throat,
little Johnny did not have to attend church.
When the family returned home, everyone was
carrying a palm branch.
"What are those for?", little Johnny asked.
"The people held them over Jesus' head as he walked by",
his mother answered.
"Wouldn't you know it," remarked the boy,
"The one Sunday I don't go he shows up".
••
Two batteries got into an argument.
One got really charged up, while the
other took a more positive side.
••
In the hardware store, a clerk asked,
“Can I help you find anything?”
“How about my misspent youth,”
joked my husband.
The clerk shot back, “We keep that in the back,
between world peace and winning lottery tickets.”
••
A Texan went up to the airline check-in counter
and said, "Howdy, ma'am.
My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N.
Ah'm from Dallas, Texas.
Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall.
Ah'm white from the top of mah head to the tip
of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."
She didn't know what else to do, so she took his
ticket and showed him onto the plane.
He sat down in his seat, and turned to the fellow
next to him, "Howdy, suh.
My name's Brown, spelled B-R-O-W-N.
Ah'm from Dallas, Texas.
Ah'm 6-foot 3-inches tall.
Ah'm white from the top of mah head to the tip
of mah toes, and I hate the Irish."
The little fellow turned to him, "Well now,
how d'ye do.
My name is Patrick Michael O'Donnell.
I'm from Dublin, Ireland.
I'm 5-foot 6- inches tall, and I'm white from the
top o' me head to the tip o' me toes, except for
my rectum, which is brown.
Spelled B-R-O-W-N."
••
After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut
home through the cemetery.
Halfway across, he’s startled by a tapping noise
coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, he spots an old man with a
hammer and chisel, chipping away at a headstone.
“I thought you were a ghost,” says the relieved
teen.
“What are you doing working so late?”
“Oh, those idiots,” grumbles the old man.
“They misspelled my name!”
••
Before invention of the thermometer, brewers
used to check the temperature by dipping their
thumb, to find whether appropriate for adding
Yeast.
Too hot, the yeast would die.
This is where we get the phrase ”
The Rule of the Thumb”.
••
If you want to understand politics, you have
to read between the lies.
••
I've always been into collecting things.
As a kid, it was baseball cards.
As a teen it was comic books.
As an adult, it's debt.
