Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask,
"Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than
-- Charlie Brown --
KIDS! Get in here...
and open this child-proof packaging for Daddy.....
What's the difference between a cow and 9-11?
Americans can't milk a cow for 14 years.
Justin Bieber horribly injured last night
He fell off his wallet.
A lumberjack applies for a job
...the interviewer asks, "so, where have you worked previously?"
The lumberjack replies, "I did a few years in the Sahara Forest."
The interviewer, taken aback, inquires, "the Sahara 'Forest?'
Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?"
Lumberjack says, "yeah, that's what they call it now."
At the bank, I told the teller,
"I'd like to open a joint account
She said, "OK, with whom?"
I said, "Whoever has lots of money."
The young Scottish lad and lassie were seated on
low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
She looked at he and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, Margaret, I was thinkin' ...perhaps it's aboot time for
a wee lil' kiss."
Margaret blushed, but leaned over and kissed Angus lightly
on the cheek.
Angus blushed.... They again gazed out over the loch.
Soon enough, Margaret spoke again. "Another penny for your
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' ...perhaps it's aboot time for me to put
me hand on your leg."
Margaret blushed and nodded demurely.
Angus blushed as he felt her comely leg.
Then they gazed out over the loch some more.
Soon Margaret said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time I felt your chest."
Margaret blushed and nodded again.
Angus blushed again.
Then they once again gazed over the loch.
Soon, Margaret quietly said, "Another penny for your thoughts,
He looked at her with furrowed brow.
"Well, Margaret, this time me thoughts are more serious."
"Oh?" whispered Margaret, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said Angus, who continued, "Dae ye nae think it's
aboot time ye paid me them first three pennies?"
Seeing jelly in the peanut butter jar is gross, that's why it's
important to lick the knife before you stick it in there.
A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts
with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife.
If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be
After about a week of no news the business man received a
telegram: "The man who comes to visit your wife every night
didn't show up yesterday..."
Saw a vegetarian wearing a furry coat.
So I looked closer.
It was made of grass.
Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that
have a love for words, such as,
"you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish",
or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."
I love sleeping but i never want to go to sleep early…
We stay up late every night, regret it every morning.
Then do it all over again.