Monday, June 1, 2015



A new device modeled after the Keurig coffee machine has 
been developed that makes instant Jell-O shots. 
“Where have you been all my life?” said Bill Cosby.

There is a new problem now..... 
Next problem is... drum roll please.... 
(They will figure how to tax that too..) 

WHEN I WAS A KID, I wanted to be older.....
this CRAP is not what I expected..

Inside every older person is a younger person......
wondering what the hell happened..

She’s wound up tighter than the girdle of a 
baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat 
pancake breakfast. 

Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks 
fighting for a parking place.

She’s uglier than a bucket full of armpits. 
Bless her heart.

A French couple were touring America , one 
week they were in the Kansas City stock yard 
district , knowing that the best steak houses 
were there they stopped at one . 
After a few drinks they were ready to order hors 
d' oeuvres, looking over the menu the lady asked 
what the bull fries were, the waiter explained 
they were fried bull testicles , oh she said I don't 
think I would like that and kept looking , all of 
a sudden she gets up grabs the husband by the 
arm and runs out of the place ,outside the 
husband all shocked said , dear whats wrong, 
she says they have French fries in there ! 

*Forgot to pay his brain bill..
*Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels..
*His belt doesn't go through all the loops..
*If he had another brain, it would be lonely..
*No grain in the silo..
*Proof that evolution can go in reverse..
*Receiver is off the hook..
*Several nuts short of a full pouch..
*He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every 
branch on the way down..

The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to 
keep the mystery alive. 
So tonight I decided to clean something 

PEOPLE TOLD ME To follow my dreams......
so I went back to bed..