Tuesday, June 9, 2015



In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth... 
After that, everything else was made in China.

Don't change so people will like you. 
Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. 
Unless you are an asshole. 
Then you should change. 

The man rang the local mental institution and
 asked to speak to the patient in room 24. 
“I’m sorry, sir, room 24 is unoccupied at present.” 
“Whoopee,” shouted the man. 
“I did it, I escaped."

My wife wanted to experiment in the bedroom 
So I got her a chemistry set and went to the bar..

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.

Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. 
You may wonder how it weighs the food. 
It doesn't. 
It just eats another hummingbird.
Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon 

I liked "Slaughterhouse 5", but I can't find the first four 

A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant 
tablets. All they found was a pile of dust.

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the 

Despite decades of market research, markets proliferate and 
there's no cure in sight.