••
♥
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth...
After that, everything else was made in China.
••
Don't change so people will like you.
Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
Unless you are an asshole.
Then you should change.
••
The man rang the local mental institution and
asked to speak to the patient in room 24.
“I’m sorry, sir, room 24 is unoccupied at present.”
“Whoopee,” shouted the man.
“I did it, I escaped."
••
My wife wanted to experiment in the bedroom
So I got her a chemistry set and went to the bar..
••
Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.
••
Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food.
You may wonder how it weighs the food.
It doesn't.
It just eats another hummingbird.
••
Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon
paper.
••
I liked "Slaughterhouse 5", but I can't find the first four
anywhere.
••
A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant
tablets. All they found was a pile of dust.
••
I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the
classroom.
••
Despite decades of market research, markets proliferate and
there's no cure in sight.
••••
