Sunday, June 21, 2015



Happy Fathers Day....

I write this blog not for money but out of the goodness 
of my heart. 
I give and I give and I get nothing in return. 
I am beside Myself with anger about all of this.
 I tell you if I EVER see one of you heathens in the street 
I'm going to....wait a second....*sniff* ....alright,,,, 
WHO FARTED??!! ...Chuck??? .....IS THAT YOU???? 
You and your barking spiders........

I don't just write a Blog. 
You know what I'm best at? 
Writing Greeting cards. 
I'm a really good greeting card writer. 
And I'm going to prove it with a little sample of my work I'm 
going to share for you: 
As each day passes, you grow older, weaker.
I've been working out........ Revenge is near. 
Happy Fathers Day........

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course, and I was 
beginning my pre-shot routine on #1, visualizing my 
upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse 
"Would the gentleman on the Ladies Tee back up to the 
Men's Tee, please!!"
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the 
Again the announcement--"Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S 
Tee kindly back up to the Men's Tee."
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse 
window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, 
"Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let 
me play my second shot?!"

"911, please help im dying"
 Good cop: help is on the way
 Bad cop: just suck it up and be a man...

After years of wondering why he didn’t look like any of his 
siblings a man finally collected the nerve to ask his mother 
if he was adopted. 
“Yes, you were adopted,” his mother replied as she started 
to cry softly, “but it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”

Catch a baby opossum, give it a 12-hr sedative, and hide it in 
the glove compartment of the car of the person who's dating 
your ex. 

Anytime I'm using a stall in a public restroom 
and someone knocks on the door, I always say, 
"Did you bring the lube?" as loud as possible. 

Cool Ranch Doritos are just like regular ranch 
Doritos except every chip wears a little pair of 

People who say, "nothing could ever tear us apart", 
must not know about sharks.

If you're appraching a 5th wipe you should just 
take a shower...

A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. 
A sensible dinner.