Don't go around saying the world owes you a living.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.
~Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old.
I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap. ~Bob Hope
It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the
fourteenth. ~George Burns
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out. ~Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere. ~Billy Crystal
“The girl quit her job at the doughnut factory
because she was fed up with the hole business.”
My wife says she enjoys sex more while on
Well, I do have to admit that was an awkward
postcard to receive.
Chuck Norris was banned from competitive
bull riding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio,
when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to
Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
The tag on this hot tub reads "6 man" when I clearly ordered
a 1 man 5 woman hot tub.
This one is going back!