Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
He worked his problem out with a pencil.
After picking up some passengers, an argument about race
Most of the passengers on the bus are getting involved and
after twenty minutes of bickering the driver, tired of the
argument, slams on the brakes and stops in the middle of
Everyone shuts up.
He stands up and shouts at them, "I'm TIRED of this.
I'm an old man and I can't bear to listen to this arguing anymore.
From now on, there's no black, there's no white, got it?
We're all the same color.
We're all green.
Now everyone sit down, dark green in back, light green in front."
Baboons are the loudest, most obnoxious, most viciously
aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.
The proper collective noun for a group of baboons is a
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated,
but not be able to say it.
Two guys are talking in a bar..
"My hobbies are huntin' and drinkin'."
"What do you hunt?"
"Somethin to drink."
My wife told me that when she took the kids to
school there was a crunching noise when she put
the car into reverse.
So, I put on my overalls, got my tools and re-hung
the garage door.
What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes at a four way stop...
Cats are smarter than dogs.
You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through
Boss: You need to work on your punctuality.
Me: Sorry, but commas, are hard, to place.
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know
the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
A guy enters a drugstore and lights up a cigar.
The owner, a bit outraged, says, "Sir, please
refrain from smoking here, it is a public place."
A bit bewildered, the guy answers, "But it is
only yesterday I bought those cigars here."
The owner quietly replies, "Irrelevant, sir,
we also sell condoms here!"