Friday, June 12, 2015

Cool Car.....

Now this is a load....


Wife told me you're so dumb you remember LESS than 
a memory foam mattress. 

Nothing cures insomnia quite like... 
realizing it's time to get up. 

Three dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother 
To be as rich as his child believes. 
To have as many women as his wife suspects.....

A recent study states that people should... 
only shower every 3-4 days.
“Stop being an idiot,” said one wife who lives in my house. 

Farming Trivia ... 
Fun Fact: John Deere's manure spreader is the only
 equipment the company won't stand behind !! 

A father and his daughter where in a crowded elevator. 
Suddenly a woman near them turned around and slapped that 
father in the face then stormed off at the next stop.
His daughter said, "It's okay Dad, I didn't like her either. 
She stepped on my foot so I pinched her."

I was sitting at a red light when I noticed a bumper sticker 
on the car in front of me that said, "Honk if Jesus Loves You" 
So I did. 
The driver turned around in his seat, flipped me off, 
and threw a bottle at my car.

I joined a softball team, which I thought was a great idea... 
but the guys on my team are crazy. 
These guys show up to games -- slow pitch softball games -- 
with cleats, stirrups, the Barry Bonds arm guards on, 
the black crap under their eyes. 
I'm like, Fellas, the ball is this big.
If you can't see it, you probably shouldn't have driven to
the game today.

Why is PBS asking me for money? 
If I had money I wouldn't need to pretend crow migration 
habits are good entertainment. 

When someone tells me, "Great question." 
I never hear their answer because I'm busy congratulating 
myself for asking such a great question.