Friday, May 8, 2015



The wife heard her husband come back into the house not 
too long after he had left.
She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge 
"It was postponed." he replied. 
"The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate 
wouldn't let him attend tonight."

After trying a new shampoo for the first time a man fired off an 
enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.
Several weeks later he came home from work to a large 
carton on his porch. 
Inside were free samples of the many products the company 
produced: soaps, detergents, tooth paste, and paper items, etc.
"Well, what do you think?" his wife asked smiling.
"Next time," he replied. "I'm writing to General Motors!"

I think I've been watching too much porn on my computer.
I logged on last night and got a message saying, 
"Not tonight, I have a headache." 

I've never been wined and dined. 
I have been beered and snacked though. 

The toy inside my McDonald's Apathy Meal is just
a lump of gray plastic and an instruction sheet that says 
"Whatever...... This job sucks."

Rosy said to her husband Dave, "You know sweetheart, 
you are like a lawn-mower?"
Dave said, "Now where did that come from? 
What do you mean?"
Rosy replied, "It's difficult to get you started, you release 
stinking odors, and you don't work most of the times."

One of my friends had a baby today, and another 
got a puppy. 
I think we all know which one I'm going to visit. 

We should remove the warning labels from 
everything and let the stupidity problem take 
care of itself. 

The doctor told Mrs. Eberhardt, "Listen Ma'm,  
your husband Phil needs some rest and some silence. 
Here are some sleeping pills."
Mrs. Eberhardt asked, "Should I give them to him before or 
after dinner?"
The good doctor in all his good humor, replied, 
"The pills are meant for you!"

My wife kept telling me 
I'm awful in bed, so as a treat for her, some very nice women 
have been helping me train to get better. 

Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a 
beer when the decided to get in on the weekly 
charity raffle. 
They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, 
each had won a prize. 
Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet 
spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. 
Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men 
met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple 
of beers. 
Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to 
which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! 
How about you, how's that toilet brush?"
"Not so good," replied Bubba, 
"I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper." 

Probably the worst thing you could do to an old person 
is force them to watch you tear up a bunch of coupons.