My teenage daughter came home in a rage.
‘I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad!
You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth
birthday, my boyfriend will die!’
I put down my paper: ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’
What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards?
A receding HARE line!
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.
Now they drink like their fathers.
Phil is at a beauty parlor.
He tells the hair dresser, "I want to look like a movie star."
The hairdresser responds, have you scene the "Hunchback
of Notre Dame?"
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes
instead of old ones.
Biblical Theme Songs........
Noah: "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
Adam and Eve: "Strangers in Paradise"
Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses: "The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Esau: "Born To Be Wild"
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Methuselah: "Stayin' Alive"
I didn't make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row.
Daughter: Mommy, what's it like to have the most awesome
daughter in the world ?
Mother: I don't know, ask your grandmother.
In other car news the Chevy Volt body was found to be to
heavy so they chose the lighter weight of a 1962 Mercury
Comet and now have a VOMIT.
I used to be a mentor to a female midget.
That girl really looked up to me.