••
♥
I still remember the first time I had sex.
I was petrified even before she asked, "Did you bring any
protection?"
Terrified doesn't even begin to describe my emotion as I
inquired, "Why, what are you going to do to me?"
••
In high school I was voted 'who is that?
does he even go to our school?
Never saw him before' .....
••
I was complaining the other day to a friend about the knot in
my tie.
"These four-in-hands with their tiny knots are so un-stylish,"
I complained.
He asked, "Do you know how to do a Windsor knot?"
I replied, "It doesn't matter if you Windsor knot,
it's how you play the game!
••
I hope the mysterious food thief at the office enjoys the dog
food marinara and Jello with my toenail clippings I made for
him/her.
••
Be sure you lock your doors and windows at home.
A local man was murdered in his home over the weekend.
Detectives found him face down in the bathtub.
The tub had been filled with milk and cornflakes, and a
banana was sticking out of his arse.
Police suspect a cereal killer.
••
I found a $100 bill the other day...
It didn't have my name on it, so I didn't pay it...
••
Chuck Norris originally appeared in the
"Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed
by Beta Testers because every button caused him
to do a roundhouse kick.
When asked about this "glitch," Chuck replied,
"That's no glitch."
••
They say you get old and tough...
I think I just got old...
••
[First day as a superhero]
Oh hell yeah!
*sees a crime happening*
Already? Ok...
*the bad guy looks really mean*
Umm, I'll get the next one
••
My son contacted a computer dating service.
He specified that he wanted a partner who was
small and cute and who loved water sports and
enjoyed group activities.
They matched him up with a penguin.
••
I recently opened a shop specializing in origami.
The business soon folded.
••••
