Friday, May 29, 2015



I know some of you old folks have been wondering why baby 
diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and 
"Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called 
Well here is the low down on the whole thing: 
When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, 
Hug'em and Pamper ‘em. 
When old people do it, it "Depends" on who's in the will. 
Hope that was helpful. 

The parents were very disappointed in the grades 
that their son brought home.
"The only consolation I can find in these awful 
grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he 
never cheated during his exams." 

I love my comfy new bed so much that every night 
I've been sleeping with it under my pillow. 

Girl of my dreams... 
I met the girl of my dreams the other day in the park and I 
couldn't stop crying. 
Damn pepper spray. 

A friend of mine just got divorced. 
They split the house. He got the outside. 

"I've never flown before, said the nervous old lady 
to the pilot. 
"You will bring me down safely, won't you? 
"All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've 
never left anyone up there yet!"

Just remember: 
Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder. 

Two doctors discussing:
Rather absent-minded, isn't he?"
"Extremely so. 
Why, the other night when he got home he knew 
there was something he wanted to do, but he 
couldn't remember what it was until he had sat 
up over an hour trying to think."
"And did he finally remember it?"
"Yes, he discovered that he wanted to go to bed 

Every time I sit down I can smell Big Macs, 
Quarter Pounders and Flame Grilled Whoppers... 
I've just been diagnosed with Assburger's 

My wife started clipping coupons to help me save 
She keeps them in the side pocket of her $800