Monday, May 18, 2015


Breaking News: "The war on drugs has failed." 
Obama will be surrendering to some potheads later today...... 

The leading cause of erectile dysfunction is the phrase, 
"We need to talk." 

Yo Mamma is so fat, 
The National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts. 

Someone needs to tell drug sniffing dogs about the whole 
"man's best friend" thing. 

I decided to change calling the bathroom the "John"
and renamed it the "Jim". 
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. 

An average white couple Bob and Mary Smith had been trying 
without success to have a child, when they heard a knock at 
the door one day. 
When they opened, there was a basket on the doorstep with 
a note, "Please take care of him" and a newborn Chinese baby 
They decided to name him William and keep and raise him as 
their own, so he grew up a happy and healthy boy thinking 
that Bob and Mary were his real parents, until one day when 
he was 7 years old, there was a knock at the door. 
 Bob said, "Willy, there's something we never told you, but...
we aren't your real parents. 
Your real father called us and has come to see you." 
The door opened, and a Chinese man stepped in and said, 
"Hi William, I am your father, Shang Wong." 
The boy said, "You mean all this time I thought I was white, 
but I'm Willie Wong? 

Hospitality: Making your guests feel like they're at home, 
even if you wish they were. 

I told my wife “You don’t have a monopoly on being right” 
and now she also has monopolies on sleeping in our bed and 
watching our TV. 

If I’ve learned anything from soap commercials, 
it’s that only attractive people take showers.

A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; 
police say it's definitely race related...