Thursday, April 16, 2015



There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected 
his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men 
smelled bad. 
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors 
would change their underwear occasionally. 
The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!" 
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and 
announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and 
wants you to change your underwear." 
He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, 
you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with 
Schultz........ Now GET TO IT!" 
THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: Someone may come along 
and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any 

Yawning is your body's way of saying 20% battery remaining. 

I saw a video of The Grateful Dead.. 
And I was impressed that their groupies still followed them 
around after all those years. 
Well I guess it was their original groupies ....they were a bunch of 
old ladies throwing Depend diapers on stage...

"Who is more busy than he who hath least to do?"
       -- John Clarke

New Hampshire may ban hunters from using chocolate as bait
 for bears. 
They've been using chocolate as bait for bears and they may 
ban it. 
They stopped using chocolate after the traps caught three 
depressed women going through a breakup.

Beans, Beans , they make you go '' poot '' . 
but if it feels wet , then it's probably poop . 

Beans , Beans , they give you the gas . 
to play trumpet noises, right out of your ass . 

Hillary Clinton said she may not run for president because she 
loves having time to hang out with her friends. 
Thankfully, most of her friends live in Iowa, New Hampshire, 
Ohio, Florida, and the great state of Pennsylvania.

Beans , Beans , if it's the smell that you fear . 
plug up your nose and there still fun to hear . 

3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. 
The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he 
started the engine & turned it off again. 
Then said, "We have reached your destination". 
The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said 
"Thank you". 
The 3rd guy slapped the driver. 
The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk 
knew what he did. 
But then he asked "What was that for?". 
The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next 
time, you nearly killed us!"