Saturday, April 11, 2015



There has been a lot of uproar about  the shooting of 
Walter Scott. 
To be fair to the police, he did run across the grass. 

The Oklahoma Senate on Thursday passed a bill that would 
allow nitrogen gas as an execution method. 
And, to add a little levity to the proceedings, helium gas will be 
used  for the inmates’ last words. 

I just checked the height/weight chart at the gym. 
Apparently I'm four inches too short. 

I was playing golf with our town's fire chief when I hit a ball 
into the rough. 
As I headed for the brush to find my ball, the chief warned me, 
"Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." 
The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week 
requesting assistance with removing the snakes. 
"You've got to be kidding," I replied in astonishment. 
"People actually call the fire department to help them with 
What do you say to them?" 
"Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is it on fire?'

My doctor ordered me to eat more Taco Bell.......
Well, actually he said "less Mcdonalds" but I'm pretty sure I 
know what he meant.

Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about 
people who send mixed signals seeing as the 
mat in front of my door says "Welcome".

Cool puppy. What's his name? 
Aww, that's a cute name. 
Because he has those spots? 
"'s cause he's trying to quit smoking"....

Found out the name of my neighbor's cat. 
In other news, I now have free internet. 

Thibodeaux just got himself a new job in a 
downtown office. 
The boss told him on his first morning at work 
that his first task would be to run down to the 
corner restaurant and get coffee for the office. 
On his way out the door, he picked up a large 
thermos bottle and ran down to the corner to get 
the coffee. 
Getting to the restaurant he asks the waiter if the 
thermos was large enough to hold six cups of 
The waiter told him that it would be. 
So Thibodeaux tells him, "Great ! 
Give me two regular, two black, an' two decaf !" 

I just made my hamster some strong coffee. 
I don't want him falling asleep at the wheel. 

Lately I've been getting in touch with my 
inner self. 
Damned dollar store toilet paper.