Saturday, April 25, 2015



Q: What's a cat's favorite breakfast?
 A: Mice Krispies. 

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, 
"Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult 
you by offering payment. 
But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in 
my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and 
then added, "May I see that prescription I just gave you? 
I'd like to make a little change..."

To avoid identity theft, when I die I want to be shredded. 

I hate when my wife asks me to hold her purse and it doesn't 
match what I'm wearing. 

Flex knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, 
for I have sinned." 
"What is it, child?" 
 "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. 
Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how 
handsome I am." 
The priest turned, took a good look at Flex and said, 
"Flex, I have good news. 
That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake." 

I don’t know why I bother going to the gym when I am so good 
at Photoshop. 

 I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different 
email addresses. 

Imagine how much self-control the people who make bubble 
wrap must have. 

"Let's get ready to bumble!!!"  - Bees 
 I bet The Flintstones make those guys at PETA furious. 

THE JOB - a one act play..... 
As the curtain rises, Gus is seated at a small table in a warmly 
lit coffee shop sipping coffee. 
Gus’s friend Felix enters looking somewhat dubious. 
Felix bares a remarkable resemblance to Woody Allen. 
He spots Gus and joins him at the table. 
Gus: Did you find a job? 
FELIX: Yeah. I got a job at a strip club helping the girls 
backstage to dress and undress. 
Gus: How much? 
FELIX: Two hundred bucks a week. 
Gus: That’s not much. 
FELIX: It’s all I could afford. 
The curtain lowers The end...

 I just found some of my long lost relatives from Alabama on