the only day ordinary folks get to act like politicians..
A man was talking to his daughter and she said something
that wasn't very nice or polite.
So he asked her to say it in a more polite fashion.
So she said it in a British accent......
I never made the Dean's List, but....
I find it disturbing the Dean keeps a list of teenagers he likes.
My wife is suffering from depression.
She phoned me the other day and said "I feel like
jumping in front of a bus and you're not doing
anything to help".
So I sent her a timetable.
Hey plastic surgeons, breast implants with squeaker toys
in 'em...... Get on that.
I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend..
until the acid wears off and I’m just dragging
a stolen mannequin around a Target parking
It's just sad how often I see zookeepers
breaking their own "Don't Feed the Animals" rule.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the
pharmacist to "make it a double".
some guys play it cool with women by
pretending not to notice when they're not
In Japan, they are celebrating their position as the most
educated country in the world.
Here in America it's National Cheeseburger Day.