••
♥
Never known... anyone to eat walnuts with coffee, but don't be
in a rush next time.
Crack the shell and dip... slowly.
••
A woman began an affair shortly after celebrating her fifth
wedding anniversary.
Her best friend asked her how she handled the calls from
loverboy on her cell phone.
She replied smugly, "I saved his number in my contacts as
'LOW BATTERY.'
So whenever he calls and I'm not around, my husband just
takes my phone and plugs it into the charger without asking
any questions."
••
A long time ago, Boudreaux, believe it or not,
was known among his friends to be very brief an
to the point - he really never said too much.
One day, an Avon lady knocked his door and
asked to see his wife, so Boudreaux told her that
Marie wasn't home.
"Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for
her?" Boudreaux directed her to the kitchen and
left her sitting there for more than three hours.
Starting to worry, she called out for him an asked,
"May I ask where your wife is?"
"She went to the cemetery," Boudreaux replied.
"And when is she coming back?"
"Mais, I really don't know," he said.
"She's been der eleven years now!"
••
I forgot to wear my glasses when I drove today.
I didn't even notice until the guy on my windshield said
something.
••
Boudreaux had received a summons to appear
for jury duty.
The judge was doing his preliminary interview of
the prospective jurors, and asked them, "Is there
any reason any of you could not serve as a juror
in this case?"
Boudreaux raised his hand and when the judge
acknowledged him said, " Mais, I can't serve,
Judge.
I don't wants to be away from my job dat long."
The judge asked him, "Can't they do without you
at work?"
Boudreaux answered, "Yeh, Judge, dey can do
widdout me, but I jus' don't wants dem to know it.
••
I'm in the Guinness book.
Not the world records one, the one at the brewery
that's says which people are not allowed back.
••
Theres nothing as disgusting as the feeling
you get the moment that your finger breaks
through the toilet paper.
••
You know those night when you can’t fall asleep?
Could it be because you’re awake, in someone
else's dream?
••
I always try to go the extra mile at work,
but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
••
Thanks to Facebook,
I now know what everyones bathroom looks like
one mirror at a time....
••••
