Wednesday, April 29, 2015



Bobby goes to see his psychiatrist Dr. Smith and says to him, 
"Doc, I am getting a terrible dream time and again."
Dr. Smith asks him, "What do you see in your dream?"
Booby replies, "I see myself as a sadist, necrophilic and 
beastialist. Is it cause for concern or am I beating a dead 

Whenever I have a panic attack.... 
I put a brown paper bag over my mouth...and drink all the
whiskey inside.
 It seems to help. 

After a round of golf.....
Two friends are in the locker room getting dressed. 
One man sees his friend putting on a bra, panties and a girdle. 
He's shocked and asked, "how long have you been wearing those?" 
the other replies, " since my wife found them in my glove box."

I see a couple of police cars were wrecked during 
last night's riots in Baltimore. 
Rather short-sighted of the black community, 
ruining their best method of public transportation like that. 

In related news...
biologists have discovered a new species of snail. 
Apparently they migrate by letting themselves be 
eaten by birds, and then they're later "shit" out 
somewhere else. 
Still sounds better than flying with Southwest 
(no, that's EXACTLY like flying southwest... )

Ask not what you can do for your country, 
ask what’s for lunch.

Thanks for warning me to be careful after I 
slipped & fell. 
I'll be sure to wish you luck on your lab test 
results at your funeral. 

The only real difference between my 20s and 30s 
is that now I make all my bad decisions before 

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth 
birthday party when a reporter went up to him. 
"Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"
The man considered this for a moment, then 
replied, "Every evening at 9 p.m. 
I have a glass of port. 
Good for the heart I've heard."
The reporter then asked, "That's ALL?"
The man smiled, "Well, canceling my voyage on 
Titanic sure didn't hurt."

“The poor speller tried to express his reluctance to repeat 
sixth grade, but words failed him.”