Monday, April 20, 2015




I went on vacation to China and bought a pair of shoes. 
I looked on the sole and it said "Made around the corner." 

I was an accountant from the age of twenty to the age of thirty, 
before I was fired for no apparent reason. 
What a waste of fourteen years....

two blondes fell down a hole. One said, 
"It's dark in here isn't it?" 
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see." 

It's amazing that no one at this swim up bar has 
had to go to the bathroom in the last three hours.

Have to stop saying "how am i going to kill my 
way out of this one" everytime there is trouble 
going on, or at least not out loud. 

Interesting story. I will now find a way to relate 
your story to something in my life so I can start 
talking about me again. 

Just saw a magazine cover that said "Katy Perry 
is on fire" so I bought it and they meant it as a 
metaphor and this whole week is bullshit. 

I just heard my roommate mixing some beats 
except I don't have a roommate and it was my cat 
throwing up.

I wish people's voices actually sounded the way 
they do when their spouse or partner imitates 
them during an argument. 

I won't sit back and let gay people marry. 
But I'll let big oil melt the icecaps because I 
believe in a lil' something called freedom. 

Why does the ad before the thing I want to watch 
play with ease, but the thing I want to watch is