Monday, March 2, 2015



Shoutout to my upstairs neighbors who wrestled a large 
moose last night....

Men love dogs because they're faithful and loyal, 
respect their owners, and do as they're told. 
Women love cats because they're independent, 
out all night, and only come to you when they 
want something. 
ladies, we'll be more like cats if you'll be more 
like dogs... 

I had a bad experience w/ a choc. eclair so I went to a psychic 
to help rid myself of this debilitating memory.. 
she was a specialist, an eclairavoiant .....

Flex has been jailed for forging banknotes.
He also got a big fine which he immediately paid in 
crisp $9 notes. 

Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates will donate 
$100 million to help immunize children in 
developing countries against meningitis 
and respiratory and diarrhea illnesses. 
With the shot, however, the children will have 
Microsoft Internet Explorer 4.0 installed in 

My wife googled "when is it safe to leave a child at home alone"
and now she won't let me stay home alone. 

A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm 
and flood. 
He e-mails his office in NY: "Delayed by storm. 
Send instructions." 
His boss e-mails back: "Start vacation immediately." 

Did you hear about the Irishman who tried snorting Coke? 
The ice cubes got stuck in his nose. 

Rubbermaid Inc. is recalling about 60,800 
toboggans because they can break apart, causing 
loss of control and injury. 
They are sold under the brand name 

My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of 
expressing my anger.
So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car.