Thursday, March 5, 2015



One day I hope to be rich enough where I don't 
feel compelled to refill my fountain soda before I 
leave a fast food establishment. 

"I am a Paramedic, recently I was called to 
a scene where a man in his late 60s had died and 
obviously been there a couple of days. 
We searched for any sign of trauma.... None. 
We looked for anything that might indicate a 
medical problem... heart meds etc..... None. 
The only medicine we found: Viagra. 
About that time the coroner arrived (a strikingly 
pretty gal) who asked me, "How long has he been 
I replied a couple of days, she said, "Oh so he is 
stiff then?" 
I handed her the Viagra bottle and said, 
"In more ways than one..."

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she 
looks like a truck.
     -- Ricky, age 10

Nothing's deader than the eyes of a Burger King 
employee who can no longer bring themselves 
to correct people who order "McNuggets" 

My Girlfriend wanted a cat. 
I didn't want a cat. 
So we compromised and we got a cat....... 

June saz; 
I've started picking up dudes by walking in 
Starbucks and "accidentally" dropping my recipe 
for bacon tacos. 

"We can lick gravity, but sometimes the 
paperwork is overwhelming."
- Wernher von Braun 

"Daddy, do butterflies have really small penises?" 
Parenting books didn't prepare me for that. 
And I am NOT Googling "butterfly dicks." 

I grew up terrified of ear wigs because I thought 
they came out of your ears. 
Imagine how scared I was when I heard about 

I think when a transvestite goes missing 
their face should appear on a carton of half & half.

NSA concerned the tooth fairy has enough DNA 
samples to create a clone army and take over the 
"this is a real threat," says NSA guy....