Tuesday, March 3, 2015



A man phoned his doctor saying his wife appeared to be 
having an appendicitis attack. 
"That's impossible," the physician replied. 
"She had an appendectomy last year. 
Why are you bothering me for something as stupid as that? 
Have you ever seen anybody with a second appendix?" 
"No, you fool!" the husband replied. 
"Have you ever seen anybody with a second wife?"

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying 
for.           --Will Rogers-- 

.A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
"God is coming --
and is SHE pissed!" 

A woman goes into a dentist's office, and after her examination, 
the dentist says, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I am going to 
have to drill that tooth.
Horrified, the woman replies, Oh, no! I'd rather have a baby.
To which the dentist replies, Make up your mind, I have to 
adjust the chair. 

I only shave on days when I'll be having sex.
I live life as a yeti now. 

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not 
smoke or drink.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. 
Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Our bikinis are exciting.... They are simply the tops.

“Old carpenters never die, 
they just lumber around.”

"Yo, Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind the 
counter at the bagel shop.
My husband and I looked at him but drew 
complete blanks.
"I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked.
"Yeah, you were my English teacher."
Leaning over, my husband whispered, 
"Good job, Honey, good job."

cop: "can you point at which zebra it was"
 zebra: "ha good luck we all look the same"
 me: [points at zebra wearing my sunglasses] "that one"

My grandpa said to me, "I guess I am getting 
really old after all."
I asked, "What happened'?
Grandpa grumbled, "I went to Kaka's antique 
auction and four people bid on me!"

“A curling iron is a permanent solution to a 
hairy problem.”