••
♥
The kidnapper called and said "$10,000 and you get your
wife back".
"Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman.
"$20,000 and she's all yours".
••
At the gym...
doing shoulder shrugs, eye rolls and door lunges.
••
Tip; When a killer makes you dig your own grave,
throw the soil far away so he has trouble
backfilling.
••
After the first week of sex education class, a young
shapely teen stormed out of the room after the
class was over.
Encountering a female friend in the hall, the
friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter
with you?
You look as if you're about to kill someone."
"I am !!!" Lori fumed.
"You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis.
All summer long, that clown had me convinced
that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."
••
I think God created marriage so
death wouldn't come as such a disappointment.
••
I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a
few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to
work one day.
My secretary asked me where I got it and I told
her that it was a surprise from my wife.
I went home early yesterday, and there it was,
on the back of a kitchen chair.
••
Everything happens for a reason.
Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid.
[calls wife]..honey help..
'whats wrong?'
I'm done shopping at the door store, but now I can't tell
which one is the exit......
'ok just stop crying'.
••
You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if....
a member of the church requests to be buried in
his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never
been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
••
The REAL 5 second rule?
If you can get to it before the dog, it's yours.
••
I know every day is a gift, but where's the receipt
for Mondays?
I want to exchange it for another Friday.
••••
