Saturday, March 7, 2015


The kidnapper called and said "$10,000 and you get your 
wife back". 
"Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman. 
"$20,000 and she's all yours". 

At the gym...
doing shoulder shrugs, eye rolls and door lunges.

Tip; When a killer makes you dig your own grave,  
throw the soil far away so he has trouble 

After the first week of sex education class, a young 
shapely teen stormed out of the room after the 
class was over. 
Encountering a female friend in the hall, the 
friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter 
with you? 
You look as if you're about to kill someone." 
"I am !!!" Lori fumed. 
"You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. 
All summer long, that clown had me convinced 
that 'foreplay' involved tossing a coin for position."

I think God created marriage so  
death wouldn't come as such a disappointment. 

I've never been much on fashion, but got quite a 
few compliments on a new sports jacket I wore to 
work one day. 
My secretary asked me where I got it and I told 
her that it was a surprise from my wife. 
I went home early yesterday, and there it was, 
on the back of a kitchen chair. 

Everything happens for a reason. 
Sometimes the reason is that you're stupid. 
 [calls wife]..honey help..
 'whats wrong?'
I'm done shopping at the door store, but now I can't tell 
which one is the exit......
'ok just stop crying'.

You Know Your Church is A Redneck Church if....
a member of the church requests to be buried in 
his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never 
been in a hole it couldn't get out of." 

The REAL 5 second rule?  
If you can get to it before the dog, it's yours. 

I know every day is a gift, but where's the receipt 
for Mondays? 
I want to exchange it for another Friday.