Sunday, March 15, 2015



I wonder if clothes in China 
say "made around the corner". 

I bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 
I’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not 
looking good. 

My neighbor gave my kid a whistle today. 
He is survived by his wife Linda. 
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to my 
bail fund. 

I wanna be the reason you get out of bed in the  
morning, even if it is to make sure the door is

"If you have any questions, just ask. 
My door is always open." said the boss at my 
new job. 
"Why do you need a door then?" I asked him. 

In the interest of improving the workplace, 
my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. 
My best time so far is 7 min. 

I couldn't find the thingy that peels the carrots 
and potatoes, so I asked the kids if they'd seen it. 
Turns out she left me a few days ago. 

Cell phones have completely ruined the fun of 
pushing a fully clothed person into a pool. 

The poor man was such a habitual drinker that 
even he was finally convinced that he was an 
alcoholic . 
At his family’s urging he went to see a psychiatrist. 
After a lengthy consultation, the doctor sternly 
ordered that hereafter, every time the patient got 
drunk he was to report his transgression the very 
next day. 
A few days later the patient staggered into the 
psychiatrist’s office. 
“I wanna report that I wash drunk last night,” he 
“For heaven’s sake, man, you’re drunk right now! ”
cried the doctor. 
“Yeah I know,” said the patient, “but I’m gonna 
report this tomorrow.”

I bet it's tough being a police sketch artist in