I wanted to make up a poem about the night we fell in love,
but I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with inebriated.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you,
and just be thankful to be alive?
Not really appreciated on flights, though.....
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
Johnny asked his mom, “Where'd he come from?”
“He came from heaven, Johnny.”
Johnny responded: “Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”
During his trip to the White House yesterday,
Uruguay's president said that more Americans
should be bilingual.
Then Joe Biden said, 'Thanks,
but I'm happily married.''
I knew that psychic wasn't legit when she let me
write a check.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each
morning, thank you.
But could you just leave them on my desk and
not in the break room?
Why would a needle even be in a haystack?
Who sews in a barn?
"In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said her
guilty pleasure is eating chocolate.
Meanwhile, Bill Clinton said his guilty pleasure is
being Bill Clinton."
Why was only bread and wine served at the last supper?
It was a pot luck and they only invited men.
When Obama meets with the G-7 leaders, it must
be fun for him to put faces to the voices he hears
on the wiretaps."