Friday, March 13, 2015

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I wanted to make up a poem about the night we fell in love, 
but I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with inebriated. 

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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you, 
and just be thankful to be alive? 
I did. 
Not really appreciated on flights, though..... 

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Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. 
Johnny asked his mom, “Where'd he come from?” 
“He came from heaven, Johnny.” 
Johnny responded: “Wow! I can see why they threw him out!” 

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During his trip to the White House yesterday, 
Uruguay's president said that more Americans 
should be bilingual. 
Then Joe Biden said, 'Thanks, 
but I'm happily married.'' 

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I knew that psychic wasn't legit when she let me  
write a check.

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Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each 
morning, thank you. 
But could you just leave them on my desk and 
not in the break room? 

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Why would a needle even be in a haystack?  
Who sews in a barn? 

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"In a new interview, Hillary Clinton said her  
guilty pleasure is eating chocolate. 
Meanwhile, Bill Clinton said his guilty pleasure is 
being Bill Clinton." 

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Why was only bread and wine served at the last supper? 
 It was a pot luck and they only invited men. 

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When Obama meets with the G-7 leaders, it must  
be fun for him to put faces to the voices he hears 
on the wiretaps."

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